Dear Dia | My Friend’s Guy is making moves on me.

Dear Dia,

I don’t even know where to start, my friend and I met this guy on our way to the hostel some months ago, he was in his car and stopped to give us a ride.

I opted to sit at the back because I don’t like front seats, also because I was nervous about sitting in a strangers car.
When we got down he asked for our numbers but before I could open my mouth my friend gave him hers and said he could reach both of us through her; I honestly didn’t care too much because I didn’t think we would see him again.


A few days later my friend said he wants to take us out to dinner, I was surprised they were even talking but apparently they’d been talking since the night we met and he insisted I come with them to dinner.
At dinner I she was all over him and I was sure there was something between them, but he kept his focus on me and this made me a little uncomfortable.


After dinner she told me they were an item now, I didn’t want to comment on how desperate she seemed and how uninterested he looked, it was not my business at that point.
About a month later she invited me out again with them at his request, I agreed although I didn’t like the last encounter; I just decided to go for the free food.
He continued to give me uncomfortable stares and when my friend left to go to the bathroom he asked for my number, saying just in case. I asked just in case what? He just laughed and said he doesn’t bite.
I really don’t know why I gave him my number, maybe a part of me was curious to hear what he had to say.
A few days after he called, it started of like any casual conversation until he kept complimenting me.
He then asked if we could go out sometime and I was surprised; I asked if he wasn’t dating my friend. He said they’d been out a few times and kissed but he wasn’t really into her.
He said he stopped for me that night and when he called my friend his intention was to get to me, but she kept making excuses and at one point tell him I didn’t want to talk to him.
He said he kept inviting her out hoping I would come and each time my friend would say I would but I never turned up until he insisted.
So I asked about the kiss, and he said after a while he gave up a little and my friend was all over him so he decided to see if there was something there but after the kiss he knew immediately there wasn’t and hasn’t done so again.
We spoke on the phone for nearly two hours and I found him interesting in a way I’d never noticed before. He invited me out again but each time I said no because to me is my friends guy even though he says they’re not together.

On one hand I feel my friend tricked the both of us and I’m angry at that, but she’s still my friend ; on the other had I’m finding this guy interesting too but what if he’s also playing a game here.
Please help.


Ok. First of all your friend did you dirty, trust me she knew exactly what she was doing when she got into the car, insisted on giving him just her number and blocking him from talking to you.

We’ve all had friends like that who like to prey on a situation to get a man, and some will do just about anything to make sure they’re the ones picked and not you.

And they come on so strong it’s hard for anyone to resist, but it’s HARD not impossible.
This man was never held at gun point to kiss her and if he really wanted you he could have pushed harder like he did on the other occasions to see you; he could have been upfront with the lady as well and told her I like your friend.

But a lot of men like to keep options, and with how desperate your friend was acting he obviously didn’t mind entertaining her while he tried to get to you.

For me that’s a no no, he must have known the sticky situation he was putting you two in but a selfish person will think only of his interest and not how his behaviour will affect everyone in the long run.

Either way it boils down to whether your friendship with this girl is worth losing and if this guy is worth the loss.

If you really want to persuade this, do have a conversation with her because even if she forced the situation, he allowed her to believe something could eventually happen.

It may hurt her but hopefully in the future she’ll come to appreciate your honesty.

And he needs to have the same conversation with her as well.

As I grow I’m learning that I’d rather risk painful conversations which may hurt the people involved than hide something that will only blow up later and cause more damage.

But it all boils down to whether or not it’s worth it in the end.

***Here are my thoughts , but I’d love to hear from anyone else with a different opinion. Let’s get talking

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