Dear Dia I have a very peculiar case.
I had an affair with my best friends husband to be.
It all started one evening when I had to spend the night in my her fiancé s house. We’ve always been really close with no strings attached. On the night when it all started, we’d had a long conversation in the living room and I unknowingly fall asleep with him holding me from behind.
I tend to turn a lot in my sleep so in a bid to calm me down he held my hand and started rubbing it.
I however must have gotten the wrong information and turned to face him. I then plunged a kiss on his lips and by the time I realized we had started making out seriously.
I believed so strongly he was half asleep only to realize in the morning that he actually knew I was the one and couldn’t help it because he said he found me irresistible.
Dia, since then he’s been insistent on seeing me and coming to my house to pester me to make love to him.
My Best friend noticed his lack of interest in her and told me about it but I just didn’t know what to say.
Dia he’s in love with me but I don’t think I am. I believe I just enjoyed the sex to be honest even though he’s everything I want in a man, plus I have my own man and am not ready to leave him for this one.
But he doesn’t understand this and won’t leave me alone.
We have spent days in hotels just exploring each other’s bodies and getting drunk.
I got pregnant for him and got rid of it even though he disagreed.
What do I do? I feel terrible and I can’t tell my friend. Their wedding is in June and I don’t want it to be called off because of me. How do I get him off my back and get him to stop sending messages and all. I’m tired!
The more I grow the less judgmental I am about relationships, or perhaps it’s confusion that I feel.
Maybe it’s the fact that life hasn’t exactly turned out the way it was supposed to according to all the fairy tails we grew up on.
There are so many complicated relationships out there with very few answers on how to figure it out.
Now this doesn’t mean I in any way agree with what you’ve done or are doing; trust me my first instinct was to scream ” you’re a very wicked person”.
But I want to focus more on you as a person, than what you’ve done.
From all indication you don’t seem very remorseful and here in lies the problem.
You probably orchestrated this whole affair and now that you’re a little in too deep you’re scared of getting caught.
Which is why you’re desperate for a way out.
In the moment it was nice, you probably felt empowered to have been able to seduce such a man; for some people the risk of getting caught or forbidden love turns them on.
But when reality sets in, and you realize the mess you’ve created you start to scramble to fix it, only then it maybe too late.
It would have been different if he pursued you, even though it would be equally wrong; but in this case, you initiated the affair, even if it was a mistake like you said, you did nothing to stop it when he wanted more.
You’ve hurt your friend, your parter and also her husband to be, which leads me to question what’s making you take these decisions in the first place.
Why are you consciously hurting all these people you claim to love.
But before you get to the bottom of this, you have to first take responsibility for what you’ve done, and own up to what you’ve don.
Then you need to remove yourself from the whole situation and even your friend’s life if you have to, and go and work on yourself by seeking professional help if you have to.
Talk to a therapist or counselor (qualified one at that) who can help you get to the bottom of your problem.
This is more about you, and not the people involved in this situation ; because if you don’t work on yourself this won’t be the last person you hurt this way.
To your friend I don’t think it’s fair to tell her what happened, even though her husband to be is in the wrong.
You can perhaps leave breadcrumbs by way of hints for her to pay more attention to him, if there are others she will come to that conclusion herself.
But removing yourself from her life abruptly can also raise more questions from her and answers you can’t give, so be honest and let her know you need some time off to work on personal issues.
A good friend I know also added this to what I wrote ;
Subconsciously you may have been jealous of your friend because of the impending marriage and again, judging by what you said about your bestie’ s fiance, do not fully rate your boyfriend.
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