Back to the Basics

I haven’t written anything in a while mostly because I just haven’t been in a place to do so mentally.

The last time I did however, what was meant to be an exciting return to something I loved, was met with major scrutiny from someone I cared about.

I felt like a kid running home to show off her grades only to be told “you could have done better.”

For most writers, our words are like pieces of us we share with the world, and when people don’t always feel or connect with them the way we expect them to; it wounds us in a way only a few will appreciate.

It’s even harder when you’re unable to articulate these feelings or do but don’t feel heard.

You become defensive, but that’s only to mask the pain and hurt you’re feeling from being misunderstood.

And soon you’ll be staring at the blank pages, too afraid and crippled with doubt to write anything.

I became so consumed with peoples reactions, expectations, misinterpretations, attacks on my character and media sensationalization that I lost myself to their opinions and in the process my voice.

And soon I resorted to protecting my thoughts, by keeping them in the one place I knew was safe, my head.

In there they wouldn’t need defending, or have to answer questions, they could run wild, free and go as far as I wanted to.

But like your breath, if you hold it in long enough you’ll start struggle to breathe and eventually you’ll have to decide either to keep holding it in and die, or let it out to live.

I was keeping too much in and not letting enough out and I knew it was time to exhale.

It was time to live in my truth, my thoughts and my words.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me; it’s where I’ve always felt, safe, heard and uninterrupted.

I find comfort in being able to spontaneously release my emotions through words on a piece of paper( computer).

It’s never been for the attention, public debates, political discussion or to flex my literary prowess.

So today I begin my journey to self again; to write about the things I love and how I feel; I’m shutting out the noise and listening to the sound of my own voice.

On these pages you will feel my anger, happiness, confusion and the many varied emotions I go through daily.

You will love, hate, agree, disagree, debate and sometimes feel the urge to tell me to quiet down.

And while I will allow you to feel the way you want, I will not be ruled by your emotions.

In the end, this will always be about me and not you.

Welcome back to me.